


Of Shitstorms and Shifting Perspectives

by NicePumpkinSpice



Series: Of Sweet Memories and Guarded Moments [31]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-18
Updated: 2015-03-18
Packaged: 2018-03-18 11:20:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3567737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NicePumpkinSpice/pseuds/NicePumpkinSpice
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cullen announces he will be traveling with Evelyn on her next excursion.  She is not thrilled.  The Iron Bull is attacked by assassins.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Of Shitstorms and Shifting Perspectives

Evelyn had been back at Skyhold for less than a week, and her advisors were already pressing her about when she might be leaving. “But I just got here...” Evelyn whined even though it wasn’t very professional or dignified. “Why are you trying to get rid of me already?”

“It isn’t that we don’t enjoy having you here, Inquisitor.” Leliana explained and then glanced over at Cullen, “Some of us greatly appreciate your presence, but these matters are urgent.”

Evelyn looked at Cullen with pleading eyes. _Surely he’ll back me up._ “Cullen, you don’t actually agree?”

Cullen was clearly ill at ease when he said, “I’m afraid I do.”

_Well, shit_ Evelyn thought. “Fine. What is so urgent that I can’t let my last set of saddle sores heal before I set out again?”

An hour of briefings later, Evelyn found herself acknowledging that she must travel soon. Sahrnia still had two rifts near the city. Evelyn had meant to close them after capturing Suledin Keep, but she had been too badly injured at the time. The rifts were becoming increasingly active, and people had been killed by the demons they spawned. Josephine needed her to meet with someone in Val Royeaux that had information about the murder of a Montilyet courier. Finally and most critically, Cullen’s men had located Samson’s stronghold.

The thing that Evelyn found herself disagreeing with vehemently was Cullen’s assertion that he would be going with her. Leliana and Josephine had left the war room when they saw fire flash in Evelyn’s eyes when Cullen made the announcement he would make the trip with her to confront Samson.

“Cullen, you have an army to oversee. You can’t take off from that responsibility to trail behind me.”

“Trail behind you? You have to be joking. I would NOT be behind you. I would be in front of you - protecting you.”

“No, you would be getting in my way.”

That made Cullen’s blood boil. “I am not some green recruit, Evelyn. I know how to fight. Cassandra and Blackwall are no more skilled than I am, but you don’t protest their presence. What is your real reason?”

“Cassandra and Blackwall are accustomed to fighting _with_ mages. Your experience comes from combat _against_ them. I don’t trust your instincts...” 

“You mean that you don’t trust me.” Cullen interrupted her. His voice betrayed obvious hurt.

“No, I trust you. I just don’t trust your reaction to being in battle with two or three mages casting fire, reanimating the dead, and twisting the Fade around you. I know how you are when you have the nightmares. You wake up fearful, haunted, and sometimes violent. And no matter how much you protest it, you are still terrified of magic.”

“I am more scared of losing you. If I let you face Samson and his men without me and something happened, I could not live with myself. I know more of that man than anyone in the Inquisition. Please, Evelyn...”

Her brown eyes darted down to the war table while her fingers thrummed. “Fine, you can come, BUT I want to ease you into fighting alongside us. We’ll go to Sahrnia first. You can watch us close one rift. Then if that goes well, I’ll let you join in on the next. If you don’t manage well in that situation, then you go back to Skyhold without argument. I can’t fight Samson if I’m distracted by you.”

Cullen wanted to argue with her plan, but the set of her jaw told him that this would be her best offer. “Excellent.” he said sarcastically, “I will try not to be a bother, Inquisitor.” He stalked out of the war room looking ready to kill the first person that spoke to him.

Evelyn put her head in her hands. She felt awful for her choice of words with Cullen. She should have thought more before she spoke. Her words had been honest, but they were far too harsh. “Shit, shit, shit!” she seethed as she stomped away from the room with balled fists.

As she walked through Josephine’s office, Evelyn told Leliana and Josephine to let her inner circle know that they would be leaving for Emprise du Lion in two days.

“And the Commander?” Josephine questioned.

“He will be coming for at least part of the trip.” Evelyn confirmed.

“So he was able to convince you?” Josephine prodded.

“We’ve reached a compromise.”

“If the Commander’s demeanor is any indicator, it was not one that sat well.” Leliana commented.

Evelyn’s eyes bored a hole through Leliana but neither woman spoke nor looked away. Josephine finally interrupted their cold war by saying, “If it isn’t too much trouble, I would prefer to join your party in Val Royeaux rather than going to Sahrnia.”

Evelyn’s eye softened as she turned her gaze to Josephine. “Of course, that would be fine, Josie.” Then Evelyn left after flashing another icy glare at the spymaster. She didn’t need Leliana’s judgmental attitude.

“So what’s the weather forecast today, Bright Eyes? From the way Curly and you are acting, they’re predicting shitstorms.” Varric teased.

Evelyn gave him the same look she had given Leliana moments before.

“That bad - huh? Well, just let me know when you need something shot - preferably not Curly. He’s grown on me.”

Evelyn grunted and walked out of the main keep. She needed to find Cullen and apologize. 

“Inquisitor! A word!” Leliana’s agent Jim was racing toward Evelyn waving a message frantically.

_He has the worst timing. Try not to take it out on him, Evelyn._ “Yes, what is it?” she said as pleasantly as she could manage when feeling so murderously annoyed.

“The Iron Bull requests that you meet him on the battlements outside the mages’ tower immediately.”

_Of course he did because I need to see Cullen, and the mages’ tower is one place he’ll never be._ “Thank you, Jim. I’ll go at once.”

Shortly after Evelyn greeted Bull, two Viddathari agents tried to assassinate Bull for having left the Qun. Bull killed both agents in short order even sending one crashing off the battlements to his death. Evelyn was frightened for Bull but he seemed more insulted that only two people had been sent for the job.  

“Sorry Boss, I thought I might need back up, but sending two guards against me isn’t a hit. It’s a formality. The Ben Hassrath are just making it clear that I’m Tal Vashoth. Tal Va-fucking-shoth.”

“Bull, I know we didn’t have a chance to talk after what happened on the Storm Coast, but I’m proud of you for putting your men first. You aren’t any more Tal Vashoth today than you were years ago when you began undercover work. You’re still you - a good man, a great warrior. Now you just have less paperwork. The Ben Hassrath didn’t appreciate what they had in you. I do.”

“Boss keep talking like that, and I’m going to get the idea you’re wanting to ride the Bull. But ... thanks. Whenever you need an ass kicked, the Iron Bull is with you.”

“Do you need to get that wound checked, Bull?”

“Nah, it’s just a scratch. Should make a nice scar though. Chicks did scars. I’ll make sure to tell Red about what happened, though. Thanks again, Boss.”

“Bull, can I ask you something?”

“I assume this is about Cullen. I saw the way he was storming around the courtyard earlier. A man doesn’t look that angry unless he’s had a big argument with someone important to him.”

“Yeah. His people found where Samson’s operation is headquartered. I’ll be taking a team out in a couple of days. He wants to come along.”

“And you told him that he wasn’t welcome.” Bull surmised.

“You read people well, Bull. I told him that I didn’t want him in the way.”

“Ouch, Boss, are you trying to emasculate the guy?”

Evelyn rubbed her eyes with both hands and pressed her palms against her temples. “I didn’t mean it the way it came out. It’s just he hasn’t really been around me when I’m fighting, and I’m worried that...”

“You’re worried he’ll see what a badass you are and get scared?” Bull said smiling. “Nah, I think he’ll find it hot. I do.”

“He has a _history_ with magic, Bull.”

“No kidding. Anyone that read about Kirkwall knows about that, Boss. He has seen a lot of shit. No denying it - it is written all over his face. But see, he chose to be with you even having lived through that stuff. Same for you isn’t it? You’ve been through as much with Templars. You hide it better than he does, but its still there. You aren’t scared of him - are you?”

Evelyn thought about lying to Bull, but he’d know the truth anyway. “Sometimes I am, Bull. He has nightmares - bad ones. He doesn’t always know who I am when he first wakes up. He has never hurt me or even touched me, but the look in his eyes before he comes to his senses is terrifying - pure hatred and fear. What if being around all the magic I use plays with his mind?”

“Did you tell him that?”

“I tried to explain, but I didn’t do the best job of it. He’s still coming with us. We’re going to Sahrnia first. I told him he could watch the team take out a rift and then join in on the second one.”

“That makes sense - ease him into the team. We’ve had months to learn how to work together and anticipate each other’s reactions.”

“Yes, but I didn’t quite put it that way. I made it more of a test. Like you can come with us to Samson’s camp, if you keep your shit together in Sahrnia.”

“Ugh, you’ve made it seem like you don’t have any confidence in him. So what are you going to do, Boss?”

“I don’t know. That’s why I’m asking you. I was going to find him and apologize, but then you needed me here.”

“Apologizing is a good start. Explaining that this is as much about your fear as it is anything else might help. If that doesn’t work, just drop to your knees and _apologize_ more personally.” Bull said while gesturing to his crotch. “And Boss, if you need any instruction on how to make it a particularly effective apology, I’m always here.”

“Uh, no, Bull. I’m good.” Evelyn said as her cheeks blazed red.

“I bet you are.” Bull said with a wink.

“Does the Qun take returns? I’m beginning to wonder if I should see about an exchange.”

“Nope, Boss, you’re stuck with me.” Bull smiled and then called after Evelyn as she walked away, “I expect a full report on how things _went down_.”

*********************

Evelyn found Cullen in his office throwing daggers at a practice dummy. 

“So the Qunari sent agents to kill Bull. I was with him when they attacked. He’s fine, and they are dead.”

Cullen briefly stopped throwing daggers to cast a worried glance over at Evelyn. Once he saw that she was unharmed, he walked over to the dummy, pulled out his knives, and returned to where he had stood before.

“Cullen, I know you’re angry. I completely mishandled the entire situation. I’m sorry.” A dagger landed in between the dummy’s eyes then another one followed striking center mass. Cullen stayed silent.

“I know you are a capable fighter. That’s part of the issue. It’s my problem ...my fears. I’m scared that you will have a flashback to Kirkwall or Kinloch Hold. I’m worried that you’ll look at me the way you do when you wake up from a nightmare. And then I’d freeze just like before, and we’d all get killed.”

“I have never once heard of you freezing in battle. When did that happen?” Cullen said in an irritated tone.

“In Ostwick, the night the Templars came around to annul the Circle as the mages slept. I saw them coming down the hall with that same hollow, hate-filled stare that you have when you first wake up from a nightmare. I didn’t fight. I didn’t run to wake my friends. I hid behind a statue of Andraste.” 

“Kevin and some other Templars had disobeyed orders and woke mages rather than kill them. Those mages and Kevin’s Templars fought back, but I stayed hidden. My friends and defenders died around me, and I couldn’t move because I was too scared to face that look.”

Cullen stared at his sword hand and paused to think before speaking. “Most Circle mages specialize in one branch of magic. What was yours back then?” He walked back over to the dummy and retrieved his daggers once more.

Evelyn didn’t see how the question was relevant to their discussion, but she answered anyway. “Healing magic.”

“I figured as much. Many mages choose to study the type of magic with which they first manifested. It is the most natural fit.” He started polishing and putting away the knives.

“Cullen, I’m not following how this relates.”

“I don’t have my medics and surgeons fighting during battles. They are there to help the injured. Did you use any magic during the battle?”

“I cast the healing and restorative spells I knew. But I hid and didn’t fight. I was a coward.”

“You used every spell that you knew to keep your friends alive. You did what you could with your skill set. Had you tried to fight the Templars head on, they would have cut you down easily.” 

“It was still callow, Cullen.”

“No. It was instinct. I guarantee more of your allies would have died if you weren’t helping them. When the battle stopped, what did you do?”

“I healed everyone that I could and helped us find a way out.”

“So you didn’t freeze, Evelyn. You survived. You were a healer then. You are a knight enchanter now. Your instincts served you well then, and they will continue to do so.”

Evelyn had never thought of it that way. She wanted to kiss Cullen and thank him for lifting that burden from her, but he still looked angry.

“Cullen, can you forgive me? I am really sorry for how I handled this. I can’t tell you how much what you’ve just said about that night in Ostwick means. I have hated myself for months because of that night, and you’ve given me a new perspective on it. How can I make this better?”

“You weren’t entirely wrong,” Cullen said as he closed the lid to the box he kept the daggers inside. “I haven’t been around you in battle except for very brief instances. I’ve always been off with my troops while you were with your team. It was presumptuous of me to think I could just join you. I know how important it is to have a feel for your squad.”

“But you went over the line, Evelyn, when you threw my experiences and fears in my face. I would never have asked to join you if I felt that my presence would endanger anyone - especially you. Your idea for Sahrnia is a good one. We need to learn how to function as a team in battle and otherwise,” he said while putting a gloved hand on her upper arm.

“I agree, and I _am_ sorry.”

“Apology accepted.” he said and kissed her forehead.

Evelyn let out a sigh of relief. “Thank you. Maybe I can make it up to you.”

Cullen wrinkled his forehead and asked, “How?”

Evelyn stood on her tiptoes and whispered Bull’s suggestion in Cullen’s ear. She then stepped back and gave him a demure smile. “See you tonight then?” she asked while arching one eyebrow.

“Wouldn’t miss it.” he said with a sly smirk.

**Author's Note:**

> So has anyone else noticed that Bioware reused faces with the Inquisition scouts? (It is particularly noticeable in the cutscene where the Inquisitor tells Cullen she is relieved that he made it out of Haven.) Anyway one of the guys that attacks Bull looks exactly like "Jim" - the one that interrupts Cullen and Inky's first kiss. I couldn't let my Jim be a greasy spot on the Skyhold courtyard, so he got to summon Evelyn instead.


End file.
